Hares: Sugar Puff & Vacuum Cleaner
So we all assembled, 30 of us, for run 126, which was set in the beautiful village and countryside of Gümüşlük.
But first I have to tell you about the AGM which was held on the previous Wednesday. In a week when there has been much talk of the workings of democracy in Turkey, our humble Hash set an example of democracy at its finest. As decreed, the RA stepped up to GM just as our beloved PM will be President in two years time but when the nominations for the new RA were sought there was a stunned silence when we realised that the post would be contested. There were two contenders and therefore there should be a vote. !!!
The GM decided a show of hands might lead to some friction in the future so it was to be a secret vote. Wait….. As a new GM had been elected shouldn’t he preside over this delicate task?? However “Comes too soon” who I will refer to by his hash name as he was now a humble hasher like me, decided he would cling to power, Gordon Brown like, until his the final moment.
CTS managed to acquire some suitable ballot papers and although there was a shortage of pens, all votes were cast and the ballot papers collected. There was a pregnant pause whilst the votes were counted, then counted again then the result was announced.
After counting the votes from all present plus the proxy votes Vacuum Cleaner had won by ONE vote. There were protests from the crowd. Who decreed that proxies were allowed? This is not democracy. Just as plans to occupy Sofis were being hatched the tense situation was salvaged by the arrival of more hashers. There could now be a new election and these illegal proxies could be discounted.
Replay the scene, more ballot papers, more sweating brows. VC folded his 3-page acceptance speech as it became clear the vote was again close. Perhaps the thought of the acceptance speech had swung the vote as VC’s majority had disappeared. The result was a TIE.
Hash tradition dictates that the GM would make the casting vote. But which GM? The new one or the departed one? CTS ended the debate by pusillanimously declaring that the post would be shared. There was to be a coalition of RAs. This will mean that all jokes henceforth will have to be approved by the other RA before being imposed on the hash. Watch this space.
So back to the Hash. It was a hot day.
RV was on the beach next to Victoria’s Bar. Except it wasn’t next to Victoria’s Bar. No Hashers were to be seen.!! Had we got the time right? No time had been mentioned in the instructions. All was soon revealed.
The hares had decided that a group of potential agitators none of whom were wearing headscarves and harbouring containers obviously designed for alcohol would invoke the wrath of the authorities. Wisely trying to avoid water canon, tear gas and pepper spray they had secreted the circle behind some trees at the far end of the beach, however a phone call to Sugar Puff and we were reunited with the hashers.
You may have guessed that the run was pretty uneventful by the digressions above.
I am reliably informed that the runner’s route was picturesque. They ran through a green valley filled with daffodils and daisies. They waded though a cool lagoon with water lilies floating on the surface. They passed under a cascading waterfall and ascended a limestone cliff to reveal a panoramic view over the ocean.
Unfortunately, I was with the walkers. About 14 of us. We walked up a hill. We saw white houses, tarmac and precast concrete kerbs. Walked up another hill. More white houses tarmac and precast concrete kerbs and we reached the beer stop. Semen was enjoying the walk so much he went straight past the beer stop but was persuaded to come back.
Now I realised again what hashing is all about. A beautiful view. Lots of beer and more beer . The runners eventually arrived. Remarkably both fast runners and slow runners at the same time.
No one was in any hurry to resume the run. The walkers eventually straggled away. I decided I would now be a runner, as I would have time to squeeze in another beer. Unfortunately I had to run back but as it had been all uphill to get there I knew I could manage it.
So how would this new circle turn out? What changes would be made? No more competitive running. No more drinking from smelly sweat sodden trainers. No more persecution of pufftahs. No more kissing in public. I am confusing the hash with the government. Of course kissing in public is allowed. Turkish men have always done it. When gay marriage inevitably comes to Turkey as it has throughout Europe how will they decide who wears the headscarf? And which pufftah will walk 5 paces behind? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
The first think I noticed since my last hash in Bodrum was that the down downs were now served in thimbles .Our beloved Prime Minister must be proud of us. No more drunken debauchery. Also song sheets were handed out. I think VC must have forgotten the demographic profile of the Bodrum Hash. We will remember to bring our glasses as well as our mugs next time or preferably try to make the font a few sizes larger. Nevertheless like an England football team miming to the national anthem we pretended to sing the words. I thought I recognised some of the songs until VC started singing and I realised that the tunes were nothing like I had heard previously. Even “ I don’t want to join the army “ in honour of our GM bore no resemblance to the tune usually associated with it. Maybe we need a Hash Piano.
Down Downs were numerous from the thimbles.
There was one virgin. I have been on hashes where the virgins have to introduce themselves and say a few words about themselves. They are invariably embarrassed and the experience prevents them from hashing ever again. It was refreshing to note that this time the hashers introduced themselves to the virgin. 30 hash names plus Yvonne. Then all of the good work was undone when the virgin was ordered to name 10 of the hashers who had just introduced themselves. Squirming with embarrassment she named only 5. This was worse than failing your English GCSE. Another prospective hasher lost for posterity.
So the circle was closed.
ON ON ON was at the Well signposted Limon except that all signs led to the wrong Limon. The real Limon was in Gumusluk village. No problem for the residents who know every blade of grass and every square inch of tarmac but no help for us visitors. Close to a Mosque. Everywhere in Turkey is close to a Mosque. But which Mosque?
We finally found it only to be informed that our GM had left already. Someone had podged (that’s an old Black Country Word meaning to jump the queue) and the GM had left in a huff or possibly some other vehicle. This I found hard to believe. Surely in Turkey no one would jump the queue. All of these polite drivers that will always give way and everywhere you will find an orderly line waiting to be served.
I thought the food was excellent. A few discontinued items but substitutions were acceptable.