Date: Sunday, 28 July 2013
Hares: Dopey & Run Fat Boy Run
Scribe: Tea Leaf
28th July was set to be a scorcher; in the reported 38 degree heat dedicated hashers and newcomers from far and wide began the quest to find the illusive Ranch, the destination for the RV. The quest to find the RV became more and more hopeless as hashers and newcomers were armed with nothing but dodgy directions given by fellow hasher and hare Dopey. Hashers were surprised at the miss direction given by Dopey, as throughout the life of Bodrum hashing he has always been one of the group’s best navigators, confidently guiding hashers in the right direction… but this time the heat must of got to him! After at least 10 extra minutes of relentless searching the hashers prevailed and came together within the grounds of Islamhaneleri Country Ranch, hot, flustered and ready for beer! No beer for us though, we aren’t champions yet… so we settle with water as we for the circle.
The sun beamed, the dust blew and the temperature rose as the hares, Run Fat Boy Run and Dopey entered the circle, They proceeded to spurt out what we would later discover were nothing but lies! Flat, No hills, One hill maybe, 17 Kilometer distance for walkers and Nice and Easy one… Yeah ok.
The group limbered up with a nice stretch routine from the RA, Vacuum cleaner meanwhile conversations were overheard about newcomer Kimie’s pre-hash bedroom warm up that resulted in her ‘non boyfriend’s’ back injury – We wont ask! There were a few returnees, Hash Dash, Boner, Whilst Your Down There and Jim and visitors from other hashes Savas from Ankara and Geezer Beaver from Kuwait joining us for an afternoon of debauchery.
Before the main event, GM Pisser was to be presented with the hash shit, for the first time in a long time our beloved Gm was to be punished for bad behavior… something to do with having to be put to bed and a miscalculation with a towel and side table… ooh so cryptic! Donned with a rather chic toilet seat and a big horn, Pisser announced the beginning of our adventure through the dry wilderness set before us. On On!
And we were off! Hash Dash a returnee this week was determined to come first so he left us all in a cloud of dust as he charged on with the Front Running Bastards. Coming up the rear was Hash Virgin Kimie as she received a brief lesson of hashing from Tits and Tealeaf, a look of despair formed on her face. At the first check the walkers and the runners reunited briefly for a good old moan about the rubbish markings and the relentless heat, but we all know such feeble hurdles don’t really faze a true hasher… We just do it to shirk off any comments about arrogance.
FRBs found the route and yet again we were onwards and this time upwards, a mountain stood before us and we still marched on. Evidently the wind, no longer present during the hash, had raged through the route and swept away some of our precious markings… momentary confusion was conquered with the help of the hares and the experienced hashers. It all became somewhat of an obstacle course, navigating narrow crevices, dodging piles of shit and herds of bewildered goats – and that was just the hashers! Up in front the FRB’s were jostling for front position as hooks and checks split them. Hash Dash still had his eye on the prize of first home! Meanwhile, at the rear Dopey was looking after the walkers, some of which were sustaining injuries; it was reported Tramp Juice had a nasty stumble in the riverbeds, but soldiered on with the care of Happy – Champion Teamwork! There was also a reported melting incident with virgin Kimie but determined to conquer her first hash, she persisted on with the help of others through the arid terrain and was rewarded greatly by a right dunking in a local fountain.
How the hell the hares set the hash no one knows, there was word of off-roading in vans, running out of powder and snakes…. Sound all a bit ominous to me! All I know is it took them 5.5 hours to come home.
The hugely diverse trail was confirmed to be 9.5km for runners and 4.5 for walkers and I’m sure to some it felt a lot further! BUT WE DID IT! With some of the FRBs coming in first but being disqualified for missing the last hook relinquishing the first four places to Doggy Style, Fishy Fingers and Hose Handler. The little star of the hash was Hash Dash who was rewarded for his relentless efforts to be first home.
BRING ON THE BEER!
In the closing circle It was down downs all round, numerous miss-namings but one of which was from hash veteran Semen! Multiple teapotters and repeat teapotters, hashers in pink did their turn as Jim took a big one for his daughters pink ensemble. The RA Vacuum Cleaner, Sugarpuff and Miss Attitude were given something to swallow for their items of lost property during Hash 128, Doggystyle got stuffed for her ginger impersonation, Pisser was stitched up no end by wing man Vacuum Cleaner, all the Deirdres with their big glasses swallowed their fair share. As per usual we were tortured by the RA with crap jokes and his position was soon threatened as youngster Hash Dash stepped up to give a us a laugh with a rude joke he’d kept up his sleeve much to the embarrassment of his Grandma, Happy.
There were mutterings amongst the group as “bees” were hassling the ladies, or at least that’s the excuse I Love Clock gave to slap Tramp Juice round her legs.
Thanks again to the hares for a great trail and a fab afternoon of hashing!