Date: Sunday, 6 October 2013
Hares: King Crapper & Hose Handler
Scribe: Old Banger
What a fine day for a hash! The cold north wind had blown itself out just leaving a residue of chilliness which we soon shook off along with our fleeces.
Everybody arrived for a 2pm start except, where was Lightfoot? Anyhow the circle was called, the GM called upon the RA to call upon King Crapper to accept the good hasher honour then dreadful jokes, stretchy exercises, menu choosing followed and finally the hares told us some lies about the trail. We were off.
Well some of us anyway - poor old Helmet Polisher had to get the food orders to Jack’s and in the meantime Lightfoot arrived.
The trail took us all around the backstreets and river beds of Bitez, past dogs, mattresses, orchards, olive groves - mutterings were that we did a figure of 8, walkers that is. Runners might have done a 9 or even 10, who cares. The walkers were blessed (?!) with the company of King Crapper and Pisser. King Crapper gave us a master class in hash mark-ology (fancy asking Whilst You’re Down There what she does when she comes to a circle!) and Pisser kept count of misdemeanours - mainly misnaming. At one point Pisser said he was “going for a wee” - that didn’t sound right, surely he should be “taking a piss”?
Hotlips found a mobile phone. When it rang she answered it and we found her asking “does anyone speak Turkish”? Pisser rose to the challenge and after a lot of welsh “giddiyorum Jacks”, we passed some young Turks who took the phone off Pisser’s hands. Hopefully they returned it to it’s owner, who was at the ice-cream shop in Bitez! Maybe they got a free ice-cream.
We enjoyed 2 melon stops thanks to Mrs. King Crapper, perfectly cut melon and lots of it!
At the RV, the GM called us to order in a circle and down-downs commenced. Where was Lightfoot? I think he had lightfooted or maybe hotfooted it out of there. Well, the Hares got their usual dressing down and a variety of down-downs were downed: returnees, those wearing pink, impersonations and thanks to Pisser all the misnaming walkers! Despite all these down downs, there were a suspicious number of goody goodies taking part in that down down.
Of special note were our newcomers, the RA should have been done for impersonating a game show host. His interrogations revealed that Luvjoy’s neighbours from Southampton make a good sausage sandwich and Teapotman came here by Easyjet! Who was he? He certainly got some practice in drinking from a teapot, or maybe not as most of the beer went down his pistachio green t-shirt. Doggy Style also got into the act and had to share a teapot down down, not a good look! We also discovered that Gobshite didn’t sail all the way here from Hong Kong! The RA had been so impressed too! Nevertheless Gobshite did do a bit of gobshiting, something to do with time management - interesting, really!
We do have to congratulate the RA for spending the right amount of time on circle business - enjoyed by all.
What more can be said?
ON ON ON at Jack’s Restaurant.