Date: Sunday, 15 December 2013
Hares: Flasher & Pisser
Scribe: Doggy Style
Just getting to the last hash was a cross-country expedition in itself, thanks to the continuous roadworks on Karabag road (good odds on there being a waterfall of stone road blocks sometime during the January rains). Fishy Fingers and I set off on the bus to get to the On On On – I feared for my life as first we meandered in the wrong direction, then Fishy Fingers went a sickly shade of green as the bus did an impression of a rollercoaster ride on the way up to the mosque, and looked like she was going to throw up on me at any moment (something to do with her being hungover from the night before - to which I would like to point out that I had not been out with her, for once!).
Early arrival Chez Flasher and Pisser, and we were greeted by Flasher hanging over the balcony. Bless her – she sacrificed finishing her eye make-up to rush down and ensure that we were soon supping the first glasses of very tasty mulled wine. There were soon a number of other early arrivals – I think news had spread that we were coming on the early bus, and people feared that Fishy would be supping all the mulled wine due to her need for hair of the dog.
Soon we were all gathered wearing our festive hats – most had gone for the red Santa hat variety. Vacuum Cleaner and Sugar Puff seemed to be wearing rather large knitted willy-warmers – who knows, maybe Sugar Puff is a very lucky lady indeed! Something has to make up for those bad jokes! The opening circle was called, and the female hashers in particular were prised away from the mulled wine. Butt Butt was awarded the Hon-er from the last hash for being a dedicated hasher and coming on her own without her husband (impersonation of Fishy!). The hares, Pisser and Flasher came into the circle and spouted the normal lies about the trail. Threats of hooks and check-backs were made, and the false promise of a beer stop. The RA took us through a festive warm-up and then we were off, heading out onto the streets to go up, down, up, down, around, up, down, and around. Bless the Turkish street planners for the number of roads that they can manage to cram into one small area.
LuvJoy was out in front – there were claims from Vacuum Cleaner that he was going to give him a run that he would never forget, but I think it was VC’s memory that went, as he seemed to give up on this idea after the first big hill. The male front runners showed that chivalry was not dead with Shitter and Vacuum Cleaner both following LuvJoy down the same route at one of the checks leaving the FOURTH runner at the check (me) to be the person who checked the second possible route. Hmmm, revenge shall be wreaked in a future hash! Pisser adopted some willow-o-the wisp ability and “materialised” around bends and hills despite having been behind only minutes earlier. Vacuum Cleaner, Fishy Fingers and I battled-on up what we thought was the last route (despite hearing LuvJoy shouting On On in a different direction). We were rewarded by abuse from some of the local Turkish youngsters (not sure they were being taught their English-language by a TEFL teacher!), and then discovering a check-back. So, trecked all the way back down again to find that LuvJoy had been right all along and made it first back, and everyone else was back at the RV enjoying more mulled wine.
The closing circle commenced with down-downs for the hares, and followed by the HON-er. Shitter and LuvJoy were hauled in for misdemeanours that I can’t recall, and of course, Shitter stayed in a bit longer as he tried to recall which hand he was supposed to be drinking from. Butt Butt demonstrated her spout-supping abilities, and Whilst You’re Down There got done for something naughty.
Vacuum Cleaner and Sugar Puff have been threatening/promising to leave for some time, and finally the day arrived! They were given a down-down and a one-fingered salute to bid them on their way. You will be missed!!!
More down downs followed – the mulled wine and my sieve-like memory means I can’t really recall why, but if the RA gave them, then they must have been right (especially when he has such a good prompter in Helmet Polisher). As we weren’t allowed to head to the On On On venue early (couldn’t traumatise a children’s party with us lot), the circle was closed, jokes were told, shots of creamy liquor appeared, and the ladies all chuckled at Hobo’s missing balls (for some reason, the guys didn’t seem to find this so funny – maybe because the cold weather was having the same effect on them…). Then off we set to La Villa for a delicious meal and to enjoy the winter sun set.
A great afternoon and evening!
A festive On On! Doggy Style