BH3 Run No. 148
Hares: Hose Handler & Helmet Polisher
Scribe: King Crapper
1. The Gather-round
There were hills to the left of them and hills to the right, but the 20 faithful hashers were not deterred. Even a black cloud adorning one of the adjacent peaks could not dampen their enthusiasm. This was BH3 run 148, with Easter and St. Georges Day all rolled into one.
GM Hose Handler called the gather-round, welcomed all, and invited the first runner home on the previous hash into the circle. Lightfoot and Doggy Style declared that it had been a ‘dead heat’, so Lightfoot gallantly stood back and the drink was awarded to Doggy Style. The lady should always come first!
The GM then called out the hares for the run, and quickly ‘changed hats’ to join his co-hare Helmet Polisher in the circle. The run was described as flat, with the runners and walkers trails splitting immediately upon leaving the RV, and had further short-cuts that would not be signed but would be obvious. Meal preference numbers for the On-On-On were then recorded, and while they were being telephoned through to Jack’s Place, members of the circle were sent on an Easter egg hunt in the surrounding meadow and trees. Twenty eggs had been hidden so everyone was treated to a pre-run Cadbury’s chocolate fix.
The circle was re-formed and taken over by RA Culture vulture who explained to those assembled that St. George was the patron saint of England, and had something to do with a sword and a shield and slaying a dragon. Also that everyone had been asked to wear red, possibly because it is the colour of the slain dragon’s blood? I missed that bit. I was left wondering why, in this day of environmental awareness, a country would continue to proudly align its national day with a dude whose claim to fame was putting to death one of an endangered species. It may even have been a Turkish dragon as St George’s deed is reported to have taken place in this part of the world. All this poor dragon did was breathe its hot breath over a few villagers and threaten a princess. I think the poor beast was probably already suffering; its hot breath most likely the result of a chicken tornado, or similar, consumed at the likes of Jack’s Place on the previous evening. I digress. The Circle was led by the RA in stabbing, slashing and parrying warm-up exercises.
2. The Run.
On-on was called and the runners headed towards check one by the camel wrestling arena, and then onwards up the nearest hill, while the walkers headed out to a trail along the recently tarmacked Kizilagac road. Check 2 was found, or found to be hidden, under a pile of small rocks on a familiar dirt track. The first half of trail 3 along the dirt track was similarly hidden by a person or persons unknown, and Lightfoot enjoyed a weird game of Hash-football, kicking each rock aside as he ran to reveal the splodge of blue flour beneath. Trail 3 eventually joined the Kizilagac road and then headed for the scrub and an interesting scramble under electricity cables recently lifted, and over similar cables still lying on the ground, causing consternation of the electricity line-men nearby.
Check 3 had already been reached and ‘struck through’ out by the walkers, so the runners had a quick passage forward. Check 4, up a trail adorned with wild flowers, had also been reached by the walkers and here they fell foul of a cruel back-check which allowed the runners overtake. Subsequent trails passed through rocky meadows which, as Culture Vulture discovered, had ankle-turning potential. We stumbled down and across some fields, and then up once more to the Kizilagac road. This provided opportunity for some walkers to shortcut towards the RV. The rest of the pack headed away down the road and eventually up onto more dirt tracks, via another couple of checks, and in a very scenic loop with great views across the valley and out towards Torba, they returned back to the RV.
3. The Circle
GM Hose Handler opened the circle. First in, the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher were suitably rewarded for an excellent hash. They were followed by the 10 Returnees; Whilst You’re Down There, Stalker, Happy, Tosser, Legs, Semen, Tits, King Crapper, Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher. It was noted by RA Culture Vulture that these constituted 50% of the attending hashers. Virgin hasher Jennifer, dressed appropriately in white and actually wearing a hash T-shirt (well done!), was then welcomed to the Hash. Next in was Stalker for his teapot impersonation. He was then given a second drink for the ‘wrong hand’ offence. The GM then called in Tosser and Legs who were seen holding hands on the trail, violating the ‘no sex on the Hash’ rule. Finally the GM called in Muffin Muncher for having seemingly miniscule pink stripes on her socks, so thus violated the ‘no pink on the hash’ rule. And the circle was handed over to RA Culture Vulture.
The RA’s first ‘call in’ was to the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher who, he had noted, were wearing Turkish Wrestling Federation vests as their contribution to wearing red. But were they wearing hash regalia? Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher locked arms and legs in wrestling style while they consumed their drinks. Whilst You’re Down There, Happy, Muffin Muncher and Virgin were then called in and given drinks, possibly for misnaming.
The circle was then paused to make way for the Easter Games. The egg and spoon race proved a challenge, particularly when the course was lengthened to include rough ground. It was followed by heats of ‘toss the egg’, with distances between the pairs throwing and catching lengthened after each successful toss and catch. Winners were rewarded with a small chocolate treat.
The circle was reconvened and the hares were given a drink as thanks for their efforts in organising the afternoons events. Drinks were also given to Tits, But But and Hose Handler , for some reason this scribe can’t remember, and finally to Muffin Muncher, also for a teapot impersonation.
The circle was closed and most hashers adjourned to Jack’s Place in Gumbet for an enjoyable On-On-On.