Fener Beach at 3pm on 6th September 2015
Hares: Dopey & Muҫ
Scribe: King Crapper
1. The Gather-round
It was a beautiful summer afternoon and a great RV location, popular with the hundreds of Sunday beach-goers to be one of the best beaches on the Bodrum peninsular. The car park may have been busy and there may not have been absolute privacy, but there was plenty room for the cars of the 17 faithful Hashers who assembled.
The Gather-round was called by GM Culture Vulture, and a moment of silence was observed for those lives lost on this coastline just a few days before, and also for the many refugees whose suffering and vulnerability was resulting in their taking extreme risk at sea.
The ‘first home on the last run’, Doggy Style and Fishy Fingers in a dead heat, were called in for their drinks. These were consumed/spilt while bending over, bums pressed together and hands clasped between their legs; a difficult position but one that has probably given great pleasure to many a public school-boy pair (and their audiences), in years past.
The hares, Dopey and Muҫ, were then introduced and talked about the trail. There would many checks, and a check-back (or was it to be a hook) for the first 5 runners. There would be a walkers option which would be 700m shorter than the full run. Dopey said that that the trail was on public roads, apart from the adjacent hill (which he indicated, thus giving the front runners a good clue as to the trail direction), where the trail would run through Muҫ’s sité.
Food numbers were taken, and announcements made. After the down downs, runners who wanted to swim in the sea would be allowed to use the Kemer Café and Restaurant’s shower and changing facilities. RA Barrel told a joke.
2. The Run.
The initial on-on was called out towards the main coast road. The 2nd trail was found to the right, and then the third was called up hill; yes, the hill previously indicated by Dopey. The trail zig-zagged up, and the view of the beach below and the sea out towards Nisos Kos improved. The marks in the trail grew further apart causing minor confusion at the front, but finally the split between runners and walkers trails was reached. Culture Vulture and Shitter returned from the runners option, and retraced their steps to the last check saying they had found the hook. Luv Joy, Doggy Style, Fishy Fingers and King Crapper continued cautiously, but the hook was not apparent; it was actually a long loop which eventually turned back on its self and to where the trails split.
On-on was then called down the walkers trail, and provided spectacular sea views towards Nisos Pserimos. With a couple of long zig-zags, complete with short cut opportunities down stairs for the walkers, the trail finally reached the valley floor and headed towards the sea. The final trail turned south along the busy coast road, or was it along the beach; the signs were probably obscured by the many parked cars or the sun-bathing bodies. Final excitement on the coast road On-In, if that is where it was, was provided by a protest march which was heading northwards. The protest line, complete with banners, TV cameras, and photographers, slowed the traffic and made the road safer for tail-end walking hashers.
3. The Circle
The circle was called by GM Culture Vulture.
First in for a drink were the hares’ Dopey, and Muҫ. The usual calls of ‘not steep enough’, ‘too much flour’ were amongst those shouted from the circle. Culture Vulture and Shitter who mistook the incoming marks of a loop for the sign for a hook were consoled by having run a similar distance to the full trail. Muҫ was then given a second drink for having broken a cardinal hash rule (there are no rules?) of setting a trail past her house without inviting the hash in for a drink.
Next in were returnees, Money Cruncher and Iki Su, followed by ‘virgin’ Şükran; all welcomed to the hash with a drink.
The circle was then officiated by RA Barrel. He called in 3 male hashers; Luvjoy, Shitter and King Crapper, and then invited Doggie Style in to celebrate her 69th hash run. Old Wreck fulfilled the health and safety requirements by providing a red plastic table cloth from the boot of her car, and Doggie Style was hoisted into a semi-handstand pose by two of the thugs, while the third fed her a drink. Most was spilt or possibly inhaled, very little was consumed, but all 4 had the opportunity to enjoy a drink afterwards.
The usual hash offences were then rewarded. Dopey, Tits and Fishy Fingers were this hash’s ‘forgetful ones’ for not having remembered their hash mugs. Virgin and Old Wreck were called in for misnaming – who and when this scribe didn’t hear.
Scrutiny of the ‘receding hare line’ showed that the next run which was to be set by Tits and Iki Su, was now being set by Tits and Fishy Fingers, Iki Su not being available on that date. RA Barrel explained that once published, the ‘receding hare line’ was set in stone, so called all three in for drinks. He then confused the circle with what may have been a Welsh description of hares that ‘were to be’ and hares that ‘will be’ – or something like that.
Butt Butt was then given a drink, probably for telephone abuse during the circle. Muҫ was again called in, this time for having very pink shoes, and was joined by Doggy Style who was adorned with various pieces of pink trim. And Barrel told a story or a joke (again this scribe can’t remember) which sounded good at the time and he was awarded a drink.
Finally, Noddy was recognized for being the only hasher present not having been called into the circle, but was given an i.o.u. for a drink next time, as Hash Cheers didn’t want to open a new can of beer.
The circle was finally closed and most hashers adjourned to the nearby Kemer Café and Restaurant for an excellent value for money meal. Despite being so close, it was sad that very few had the time for a dip in the sea or to enjoy the beach.